Life in the Fast Lane with Snarky

A short time ago, Betty and Perling from The Gabriel Series podcast, Susie Steinle a fan of SR’s work from Oz, and I were sitting in a Pub and happened to run into his Snarkiness.  After a few Guinness’s (quite a few actually), he has agreed to speak to us, as long as it is in a pub, its ladies’ night and we could get him as many phone numbers as possible.

Betty, Perling, Susie and I are sitting at the bar having a nice conversation with Declan the barkeep, waiting on Snarky.  So many things we’ve wondered about him.  He is quite different in person, for one he has clothes on.  What is his beef with Sylvain Reynard?  What does he think of Raven? Julia? The Prince?  And of course the professor.  The place is getting crowded.

Snarky has now walked in the door and is talking to every woman in the place.  We roll our eyes as he makes his way over to us.  Declan turns to us, shakes hands with Snarky and asks, “What can I get you?”  Declan pulls a perfect pint for him.  “Ladies, what can I get you?” and quietly saying “he is quite a ‘player’, be careful.”

As we give Declan our orders – Snarky – Guinness, with a whisky chaser. In a dirty glass.  (A dirty glass?). Betty – A Mango Margarita, Perling – I want a Smirnoff, Susie – A glass of Champagne, and I’ll have another pint please. Anyone care for food?  Snarky – Nachos with extra jalapenos., Betty – Cheeseburger and French Fries, Perling – Grilled salmon, Susie – Caesar Salad, and I’ll have some wings, extra hot please.

After settling down at a table, and some small talk, our food arrives and we begin our interrogation of Snarky.

Betty

Snarky it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person. I can see why the Professor is a little jealous of you. Snarky, I was wondering, when Gabriel isn’t around in his apartment, do you ever drink his scotch?  If so, do you replace it with the same brand or do you change it? Has he ever noticed?

Absolutely. Don’t tell him, but recently I was able to spirit away a very expensive bottle. I don’t think he’s noticed.

What do you do when you’re not narrating stories? Could share a story with us?

When I’m not narrating stories, I’m writing my biography:  The SN – My Life in Parentheses. I’m also mingling with the ladies. You’re all quite beautiful, by the way.  Are you all taken or -? 

Here’s a story for you. Gabriel doesn’t realize it, but with the success of SR’s novels and talks of adapting them to film, I’ve been selling some of Gabriel’s belongings on EBay. It’s pretty lucrative. Female readers will pay a lot of money for his underwear.

Snarky, you seemed to be a bit worried with Professor Picton’s romance-less state. Are you concerned for her as a friend or is there something else?

I’m not sure how this rumour got started … Julia must be trying to matchmake.

Las Vegas, who would you go with William, Gabriel or Paul and why?

There’s no way in hell I’d go to Vegas with those guys. I’d rather take you ladies. Let’s go. I have a car.

Mr. Snarky, do you ever get nervous being around so many Vampyres?

I eat a lot of garlic. And I have a relic the size of a grapefruit in my pocket.

 If SR (the Boss) were to write a new novel based on your amazing life, who would you like to narrate the audiobook, a man or a woman? And if you had to pick a character from the Gabriel Series or the Florentine Series, who would you pick Gabriel, Paul, William or Aoibhe? And why?

Obviously, I’d have to narrate the audiobook myself. No one could do justice to it.

I have a weakness for Aoibhe, because she’s hot, so anything I could schedule with her would be great.  She scares me, but I’m willing to risk it.

Thank you for answering my questions Snarky. You are very charming.

(Kisses her hand) So are you, love.

Perling

Hola Snarky, I don’t think you have the pleasure of know me (I winked at him) but I’ve heard a lot about you, someone told me something related to a Sombrero(s) and then I saw a picture of you at the beach using “them”…and then the girls were talking about it few minutes ago… (I scanned him up and down then I cleared my throat – because my mind was heading to other stuffs) … anyway, I’m not sure. So, I’m Perling Lagarde, I’m from Venezuela. Nice to meet you (I extended my hand).

Enchanted. (Kisses her hand)

Do you speak Spanish? I was teaching some Venezuelan expressions to Sylvain, long time ago.

I speak a little Spanish but I kiss in Spanish much better than I speak it. Let me demonstrate …

I’d like to know more about you. You have a fandom and that’s why we are here right now. Can you tell us something about you? please, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, just tell us something that you can share openly with us…and your fandom.

I’m single. And ready to mingle.

Apparently, you like the beach (clearing my throat, yes, again) …but is there another place that you like? maybe the mountains?… I don’t know, do you like to go camping, for example?

My idea of camping is the Hilton. No, I don’t camp. But I enjoy traveling to exciting ports of call, such as Latin America.

I’m a book lover and I want to know if you have, at least, five books that you can recommend us.

I have to recommend the books I’ve narrated. It would be a crime not to …  Would you ladies be interested in my comic book collection? It’s quite – extensive.

Have you thought about the possibility of writing a book? if so, what topic would you use?

(See answer above about Biography)

Talking about writing a book, is/are there any scene(s) that you want to change in The Gabriel Series or The Florentine Series?  If so, why and what would be that change?

Frankly, it was embarrassing having to narrate the sex scenes. But I think readers would kill me if I left them out.

Can I have another Smirnoff, please? This Grilled Salmon is delicious… So, do you like this place?

Very much. But mostly I like the beautiful ladies I’m drinking with.

Hey girls, I want to dance after we finish our meal, how about that?  (I looked at our special guest) Hey Snarky, do you like to dance, by the way?  (I raised an eyebrow waiting for his answer) …

Absolutely.

Oh, before I forget. Since I read Gabriel’s Inferno, I’ve wanted to know, what do you think about one of Gabriel’s neighbor, remember? …That guy with glasses and pajamas… please don’t roll your eyes at me (I touched his left bicep with my right hand and – oh, look at that! – I smiled at him), you know, I’m asking you because Betty and I, along with our listeners, were talking about him when we were doing our podcast and some of them said that he is handsome…  I’m just curious… (Ok, my hand was still touching him but I stopped it – maybe is the Smirnoff?)

SR is a hermit. You’re wasting your time. Now me, for example, I’m always available. And I dance. In public.

By the way, do you like pajamas?  (Oh oh, my curiosity and me… although, maybe he prefers to sleep without it, but I couldn’t stop that question – ooops)…

I don’t wear pajamas.

Have you been in love?

I’m in love with talking to you, sweetheart.

Ok, excuse me for a second, I need to use the restroom… I’ll be back in a moment… (I started walking away – What kind of question was that Perling? – shaking my head I entered to the restroom) …

 Susie

The Ladies seem to love you.  What do you think it is about you that has women all around the world drooling over you (me included)?

Clearly, it’s my scintillating wit.

I’m an eyes, lips and legs kind of girl.  I heard that the professor is kind of an ass man.  What are you?

I’m a breast man. But I also admire a pretty face.

What does the professor have that you don’t have (besides Julia)?

Not much. I’ve sold most of it on EBay.

And what about children?  Would you like any one day?

Sure. I need to preserve my legacy.

So, do you think you’ll be asked by SR to narrate the new series?

Of course. I doubt SR could do it without me…

What particular scene did you enjoy narrating the most in the Gabriel Inferno Series?

I liked when Julia wouldn’t answer the door and Gabriel was standing on her porch. In the rain. Alone.

Gabriel took to the end of the book  in Gabriel’s Inferno to make love to Julia.  Was this frustrating for you to narrate as it was for the for the readers?

Not at all. Have you ever tried to narrate a sex scene? It isn’t easy.

Who do you liken yourself to the most?  A dark brooding Gabriel or a sweet charming Paul?

I’m more like a dark charmer.

I like to spend a cold winters day curled up by the fire with a good book.  What’s your ideal way of spending a cold winter’s evening?

Sex. In front of the fire. No book required.

I heard a rumor that you were at risk of being evicted by SR.  I just want you to know that if this ever happens you are welcome to visit down under.  I would love to show you the sights that I think you would really enjoy, for instance long private pristine beaches with virgin sand, perfect for a Snarky narrator to relax with two sombreros for protection from our hot Australian sun.  What do you say?  Is this something that tickles your fancy?  (Wink, wink)

I’m purchasing my ticket as we speak.

Pam

A lot of SR’s readers are wondering how you are doing?

I’m good thanks. I need another beer, but other than that.

 (By the way I have the Black Am Ex card; would you care for another round?)

I thought you’d never ask. Thank you.

I would be interested to know what you think of William and Raven?  You haven’t spoken much about them.

That’s because William scares me. He’s very protective of Raven and barely tolerates me narrating her. But she is very nice.

Are you in fear of losing your head around William?  Or do you think you would lose it around Raven, she is beautiful don’t you think?

She’s beautiful, yes. (looks around nervously) But that’s all I can say.

William has some interesting vehicles, Triumph, McLaren, Mercedes Sedans if he allowed it, which would you most enjoy driving?  Personally I could see you in either the motorcycle or the McLaren.

His Triumph is a beast. I’d rather have a Bonneville. But I wouldn’t say not to the McLaren. That is, if I could survive long enough to enjoy driving it.

Has SR given you any hints on The Roman?

Yes. In “The Roman,” (SN’s phone buzzes).  Damn it. I have to take this.

(lifts phone) Yes.

What?

You don’t say.

I didn’t know that.

Okay, fine.

Thanks SR.

(disconnects call)

Well, SR is telling me that if I reveal anything about The Roman, I’m out for the next novel. So I guess my lips are sealed, Ladies. But I can tell you, you’ll enjoy The Roman. It’s some of my best work.

Aoibhe is a fun character do you like gingers?  She can be quite feisty.  I could see where she may be a good challenge to you.

Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind being her dessert.

 Ibarra seems to have a fan club, as you do, any advice on how to stay true to himself or should he just go with the flow?  I think Aoibhe would be a tad jealous, or maybe not….

I think Ibarra needs to enjoy himself. I can keep Aoibhe company.

What do you know about the new series?  Have you traveled with SR for his research?

SR took off for Paris without me. But apparently, the new book is a contemporary romance and has some suspense…

Snarky, thank you for allowing us to interview you.    We haven’t heard from you for a while.   It’s nice to see you come out and play for a bit.

My pleasure, ladies. Don’t be strangers.

As we finish, Perling again suggest that we all go dancing (I must remember to keep an eye on her, the Smirnoff you know).  I hear the strains of ‘Saturday Night Fever’ playing somewhere down the street.  I wonder if Snarky can dance like John Travolta or if he taught John everything he knows about dancing?

As we arrive and get settled, there are so many people dancing.  Snarky does have his hands full with us.  Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but he does seem to be enjoying himself so I let it be…

Susie has asked DJ  play a Michael Buble ‘s Feeling Good

Perling is very interested in dancing to Calvin Harris’s Feel So Close

Betty is partial to KC and the Sunshine Band’s Shake Your Booty

As for me I just haven’t decided yet… Unchained MelodyDancing in the DarkDance Me To the End of Love?  That is a story for a different evening…

As the evening wanes,  Snarky is enjoying the attention from all the lovely ladies.  He is tireless ( I better not let him hear that).  Still saying that we should all get in the Bonneville and take off for Vegas.  I do hope its a convertible, nothing like driving through the desert with the wind in your hair.  So with the Black AmEx Card, and a hardy Hi Ho we are off.

SR if you are reading this we may need bail money…

 

P.S. Do not cut off the AmEx….

 

 

 

 

 

 

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